Trying to live

For someone is a real thing by the way

I never believed it was a real thing until it became my story.

My name is Agatha and I am 23 years old. I have always been me. I had my last relationship in 2024 and he was such a lovely soul. We just weren’t meant for each other.

I had no idea what depression could do to me until I had it. I mean, I heard of it from books, from random videos and all that but I never understood it.

Well, it crept up on me. It was insane. It was there. I would call depression a she because I am a girl. She never disturbed me and I never disturbed her.

I think I knew she was there though but I was in denial because one night, I wanted to write stuff in my diary and I was not sounding like me at all and I looked up and I saw her there looking back at me, smiling and holding the same diary and writing but it was completely empty. I noticed that the words she wrote on the empty book were on her body.

I wanted to ask her why but I think I liked watching her smile in pain. She was better than me anyway because at least she knew she was in pain. I did not know I was in pain and I don’t even know how to explain the pain so I don’t really care.

Then, my phone pinged continuously. I had my phone on DND until 4am so I did not see my best friend’s message. My best friend is Funmi and she had dropped lots of texts and voice notes for me.

I rushed to check if she was alright. She wasn’t. She said she was depressed and I believed her because I don’t play with mental health. I asked her how she knew and she explained.

I asked her how she was feeling now. She said she felt better after talking to me but she was scared it would be too strong when she (depression) came again. She said she had insane thoughts before texting me and she knew if she texted me, then she would feel safe and she did.

I looked up and I did not see my second self in front of me anymore. I smiled because I was stronger and she did not sit with me for a long time.

My depression was short but insane but my friend had insane thoughts for the longest time. I don’t know how yours feels but I want you to know that you can try to live for someone. Either try to live for someone or try to be the person that someone can live for.

From Midun

This is mental awareness month but to me, every day needs the awareness. People don’t come out openly to say they are not okay. We should not scold them when they do. It was not easy for them.

For some people like Agatha, even though her depression was short, she was still in denial. Imagine thousands of people being in denial.

For Funmi, she knew she was depressed and she spoke to someone she could trust. She could have siblings to talk to but she knew how people are with stuff like this. They never take it seriously. She knew Agatha would take it seriously and that was why she told her.

I would advise that if you want to know the people that will take it seriously, you can joke about it and not tell them that it was a joke.

Tell them something serious and see their reaction. Their reaction will make you know if you can count on them when it is real.

I am being serious about this because I really love you and I hope more people can realise they are not alright. It is not something to be ashamed of.

You are human and you have feelings. It is okay to get tired. To get lonely. To get angry. To be sad. To be depressed. To scream. But don’t allow these things eat you up until you can no longer recognise yourself. Speak to someone today. Anybody you feel you can trust. Don’t think you are a burden to them. Your problem might be bigger than theirs.

Speak now and let’s know how we can help you now before it is too late.

This is TalesByMidunPen.